BSU>ENGL 3160>How to Index>How to Annoy your Roommates

How to Annoy your Roommates

by Missie Tomte

We have all had roommates that drive us insane. They leave the dirty dishes in the sink for weeks on end, they don't ever clean the toilet and they bring friends over and party until three in the morning.

Here is a plan on how to get back at those pesky roommates.

Ideas to annoy your roommates

  • Holding a bowling tournament in your house or apartment. Invite neighbors to join in the festivities. Create an immaculate trophy. If your roommates ask to bowl tell them they can't, because they don't have bowling shoes. (The catch here is that you yourself do not have bowling shoes, nor do any of your neighbors).
  • Bring people that you meet on campus over to your house. Tell your old roommates that they are potential "new" roommates. Have them ask who your current roommates are in front of your [old] roommate, tell them "That's (their name here), they won't be here much longer." Hang signs all over campus advertising that you need new roommates to replace your old ones.
  • If you have a slightly psychopathic nature, take knives from your kitchen and sharpen them every night, whisper either your roommates name or something along the lines as, "Soon, soon."
  • Sleepwalking can confuse annoy your roommates. You can walk into their room and pee in the corner, when they ask you about it in the morning deny everything and blame the wetness on the cat. You can also wake up in the middle of the night screaming, "Where am I?" and run around the house. Then walk back into your room and go back to sleep.
  • Make a sandwich and then leave it on the floor. Make sure that you took a long time making the sandwich perfect, expertly put the pickles on and make designs with the mustard. Then lay the sandwich in the middle of the floor. Ignore the sandwich until your roommates finally clean it up. When they throw the sandwich away run into the kitchen and yell, "Where the hell in my sandwich?" and then complain loudly that you are hungry.
  • When your roommates are gone glue your shoes to the ceiling. When they walk into the room make sure that you are sitting on the floor and holding your head. Moan dramatically.
  • Constantly sing. No matter what, always sing. Sing on the phone, sing in the shower and even sing in your sleep.
  • Put memos on your roommates bed's saying, "I know what you did, don't think that you can fool me," and sign them in blood. Do this every week for a month, but deny that you know anything about the memos.
  • The thing that you could do to annoy your roommates the most is to be exactly like them. Never do your dishes, don't flush the toilet, let the cat pee anywhere it wants and play copycat whenever your roommates talk to you. They will finally get the point when the house smells like cat pee and there is no longer anywhere to step without getting dirty dish fungus mashed between their toes.

 

Roommate survival

Quick tips to survive annoying roommates

  • Make your room your sanctuary. Get big fluffy pillows and comforting things to make you feel at home in your room. That way you can avoid being in the living room with your roommates.
  • Know your roommate's schedules, you can avoid them fairly easy. Work when they are at home and stay home when they are gone.
  • Do you own dishes right away, that way your roommates can't accuse you of the dirty dishes.
  • Have a back-up sleeping plan. Friends are always willing to let you sleep on their couch if you are going through a rough time.
  • Ignore them. If all else fails, invite your own friends over and have fun, just be respectful.
  • The last resort is finding a new place to live. There is no reason to live somewhere where you are unhappy.

Alternate Help

There are times when it gets so bad that you cannot possibly live with your roommate anymore, and or, you may go insane from their unresponsible, corrupt ways. Do not stay in an environment where you will hurt yourself in any way.
Check out the links below for help.

Another idea for dealing with your roommate is opening a dialogue or going to a counseling session with your roommate/roommates.
Check out the links below for help.

 
BSU>ENGL 3160>How to Index>How to Annoy your Roommates
Missie Tomte © 2004 Last Modified: October 2004
Questions, comments, ideas for annoyance e-mail: MissieTomte