How to deal with the loss of your security blanket

Everyone has one at some point in their life, for some it may not be in the form of a blanket, but each person has that special item which they cling to. They cling when sad or scared, when happy or excited, it is their constant companion--their security. At some point the security must be either given up or forcibly taken away, the now bereaved person must face their loss. Here are five steps to lead you though this difficult and tumultuous time and bring you safely to a state of acceptance.

Step 1: Denial

Denial, by definition, is a state in which one pretends or represses something to believe that it didn't happen, or is not taking place. Such as the loss of your security blanket. In this stage of dealing with the problem a person may throw tantrums or go through mood swings, they desire to have their security blanket back and cannot, or will not, accept the fact that it is gone.

To overcome this denial you must face that fact that the security is truly gone and to move on dealing with the loss. Some positive ways of dealing with this would be to take your mind off the loss by starting a new project or to try a new hobby--such as croquet or pottery. By taking your mind off of your loss you are more accepting of the fact that the security is truly gone and you can therefore move on to the next step in dealing with your loss.

Step 2: Anger and Resentment

In this phase of overcoming your grief over the loss, you may be very irritable and even lash out irrationally in anger at the person, people, or circumstances that took away your security blanket. You may also become irritable and cantankerous to anyone that you come in contact with. This is normal behavior during this period of the grieving process--resentment of the world around you is a way of dealing with your loss.

To overcome this step and move on one must face the feelings of anger and resentment that have been built up from the loss.

Some ways in which to overcome this are:

• To have a session with a trusted friend or a counseling professional where you can talk out your anger.
• Start a journal where you can pour out your feelings of resentment and anger to a silent third party.
• Reflection and the seeking of inner peace can also be helpful techniques in suppressing and facing the anger that has welled up inside.
• Taking a yoga class could be an option for you to consider, to help clear ones mind of angry thoughts and feelings.

If the calm and gentle approach is not in your mind taking a class in kick boxing or other such sport could be way to safely release your anger through physical activity. If no classes are available in your area simply going for a long run or a swim could be handy alternatives.

Step 3: Bargaining

In this step one makes attempts to persuade God, or a higher being-- your parent, guardian, spouse, or roommate--more often than not that person who has taken away or denied you the possession of your security blanket.

At this point your goal is only one thing: retaining or reacquiring that blanket for whatever amount of time you can. You may be prone to offering promises that are irrational or reckless--such as a promise to never drink soda again, if one is a soda drinker--just to attain the security blanket for a short period of time.

In this stage it is always good to have a person with strong will-power whom you are attempting to persuade--this allows you to beg and plead to your heart's content and they will not be moved by your offers or your tears. The best thing to do in this phase is to let it all out, frustration may follow upon failing to attain the wanted item, but getting all the persuasion out allows you to see exactly how far you were willing to go to attain your security blanket and perhaps it will inspire you to assess what it is that you desire and why.

Some ways of coping with this denial of your persuasive techniques and attempts to reattain your security blanket are to perhaps go for an early morning run or swim and to try and make a new friend at school or work. These actions will take your mind off trying to beg your security blanket back into your life and channel your energy into a different activity and perhaps give you a reason to move on.

Step 4: Depression--stemming from impending loss

During this phase you may become despondent and exert symptoms of depression. Such symptoms may include:

• lethargic behavior
• increased tiredness
• lack of interest in normal activities
• antisocial behavior
• mood swings
• an overall non-charismatic attitude and behavior.

These symptoms stem from despondent thoughts of never having your security blanket again. This is a difficult step to overcome, depression can effect changes that deviate drastically from your normal routine of life, if not dealt with properly you may face serious consequences.

Some helpful way of dealing with, and fending off, feelings of depression or of immense feelings of loss are to perhaps acquire new and exciting pastimes--such as needlepoint or basketweaving. Another way to stop the feelings of depression may be to try something that you have always wanted to do, perhaps skydiving or bungee jumping, or to maybe visit a beautiful tropical island with pretty waterfalls.

One thing that you want to stay away from during this phase is alcohol, a depressant which will only worsen your feelings and the situation and usher in problems of substance abuse and dependency into the scheme of things. Think positive thoughts and focus on positive areas of your life--friends, family, pets, etc.--they are your living, breathing support system.

Step 5: Acceptance

Congratulations. If you have reached this step you have successfully come to terms with the loss of your security blanket. Though a long and arduous process, let us hope that you have come out better for your trials and tribulations. Perhaps you have acquired a new skill or hobby, or accomplished a lifetime goal. In many cases trials of this nature can bring a person a deeper sense of self and give us a clearer picture as to what we are made of and what we can accomplish. You'll be sure to reminisce about your lost security blanket--at first the memory may be a bit painful, but given time it may become a fond memory.

For further information on the grieving process access these websites:

• The grieving process
• Tips for a whole recovery
• Teen grief
• Healthy grieving
• Grieving in the family